Emotionally dying

Quite a few things happened recently that make me feel like I'm emotionally dying.

-I've slowly stopped eating as much. Maybe one meal a day, with a few snacks (orange, string cheese).
-My dog Luke, my baby, the one who always makes me happy, bit me. Hard. I have bruises on my hand. I was so shocked, all I could do was step back and cry as I ran upstairs.
- This was AFTER I had a huge fight with my parents. My mom was stomping around telling me to get out. I ran without shoes down the road. It was so...painfully REAL. So realistic. I was getting kicked out with nothing but the clothes on my back. I wasn't ready. I can't make it in the world by myself. But I ran, cried until I was just sobbing out the window of A's car. Until no more tears would come.

I'm home now, things are okay. My parents don't seem to get how fragile I am. Thank God.

My parents are everything to me. I know how hard they work. So for them to get so angry at me that they just wanted me OUT...it broke me.

I don't think I'll be able to recover. It was a tough night.

But the worst, it not most beautiful moment was this morning, actually. I woke up at 10:30am (I went to bed at midnight). I usually wake up at 1pm and go to sleep at 5 or 6am. This is my schedule. But...when I woke up. I went right downstairs, heated up a mug of milk (my version of coffee) and sat outside with my dogs running around as the wind blew.

And I smiled.

Then I cried. Because I felt happy. For a moment. I had never felt a feeling like that before with such intensity. But for one moment...I felt like everything was going to be okay.

Then the moment was gone and I sat outside alone.

Nothing will ever be okay.
I'll always be broken.

But I can try, right? Is there still something inside of me that can find happiness?

I don't know anymore. I'm going to try to see if I go to bed early tonight if it will help. Because I wan to feel that again. I want to feel it everyday, even if it's only for 10 seconds.

Even if its only...