What is marijuana to me? (sensitive topic)

Weed.
I love weed. Weed is something I do. Not to be cool, no. I think people who smoke to be "cool" are a disgrace.

I can't think of anything that would bring me as much happiness as it does when I smoke weed with my best friends. Granted, only two of them smoke, but I enjoy it.

When I smoke, (I smoke with J and A) I get this stupid big grin on my face. Why? Sure, I'm stoned. But that's not all of it. I ENJOY getting ripped with my BEST friends, because another part of me comes out when I'm high, and I don't let many people see that side of myself.

Speaking out at a sufferer of depression, insomnia and anxiety, I'm TELLING you it helps me. I've done...so many terrible things to others and to myself because of my conditions. I feel like weed is a silent comfort to  me, like it knows I'm upset 90% of the time. And it targets all my negativity and lets me LIVE and BE who I am without any worries. I could never stop smoking weed. I couldn't.

I don't even know if I can describe to you how I feel when I'm high. I just laugh. I say things I wouldn't normally say out loud. I'm nicer. I'm more affectionate. I'm funnier (though this actually COULD be because there are 3 best friends in a room FUCKED UP on happiness, I'll give you that one). I'm more patient. I'm a better listener. I open up about my feelings (I have a very closed off heart). I try to help my best friends through their struggles. I'm chill. Something I would normally be FLIPPING out about when sober, I kind of nod about. Smile a little bit. Then talk through it.

It's just better. It just is.

I could never fully explain it to someone who has never smoked marijuana or does not have any disorders. I'm not saying I'm the worst person out there. NO. I know there are people wore than me. But of course, in my perspective, I don't think so (everyone thinks like this, right?).

So, I will smoke weed. I will always do it.

You wouldn't understand.

P.S. Tomorrow I'm going to write an entry when I'm high, and you'll see the difference.

Unexpected start (sensitive topic: marijuana)

I had an unexpected start of the day today! I woke up on my own at 11:30am-ish (I usually get up around 1:30pm). A was over (he spends the weekends here, pretty much. And randomly other days.), and he was awake too. We talked a little bit about nothing, then he had to leave to go get coffee with someone.


MY CAR STARTS AGAIN! Shouldn't have made me as happy as it did, but I've been immobile for the past week because of my car battery. My dad got me a new one (bless him) and now I can drive again! So that has put me in a good mood so far today!

It's 12:30 now, and at 2:oo on Wednesdays and Fridays I go to lunch with J. And by lunch I mean we meet in a secluded area and smoke weed while she shovels her lunch in her mouth between hits.

Ah.
A sensitive topic.

Here's my take on marijuana. I feel like unless you are emotionally unstable, you will never know how it truly helps someone. Seriously. I won't rant on it, but I think it should be legalized in all states (of course, with a limit of like an ounce on you at the time, because let's get real here. If it was completely legal, dumb people would do dumb shit.). So that's that. You may be wondering:

FAQ

How often do you smoke?
When I have my own, every moment I can. When I don't, J does. So on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays we smoke.

What kind do you smoke? What's your favorite strain?
I prefer indicas over sativas. As for favorite strain, I couldn't pick one, but I fancy kush.

How long have you been smoking weed?
 Since I was a freshman in high school.

So anyway. I think I'll stop here and wait until after I get back from lunch with J before I write anymore.

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So it's 3:18 now. I'm high as fuck. How high, you ask? Enough to make me have to rewrite that last sentence 4 times. High enough that I've fought an entire Elfen war in the year 12008. High enough that I'm happy and I won't stop smiling like an idiot. Enough that I look around and see spirits coming out of trees and nature. I love marijuana. I feel like this is how the world was supposed to be made- everything perfect and happy and buzzing. And that God put that plant cannabis on the Earth for us to get there. Like, I don't know. Everything is perfect for once, you know?

Okay well so far I like this day. As to if the rest pans out well, we'll see tomorrow. We'll see what tomorrow brings.